PART 1: "I think she'd make a great immortal."

Chapter 3
 
 

They fell asleep soon after it was over. When Jackie awoke, the dawn was streaking shadows through the cement canyons created by the New York skyscrapers. Adam was standing by the opened windows in his shorts and a T-shirt, his eyes closed against the cool early-morning air and the rising sun. She propped herself up against the pillows, pulling the blanket up over her shoulders.

Adam must have heard her move. He turned from the window and looked down at her in the bed. Suddenly, her heart began to race. His face had an expression she had never seen before and his eyes, incredibly soft, held meanings she couldn't begin to fathom. It somehow made her feel very small, and a little frightened.

He didn't say anything for a long time and Jackie was too confused to say anything. Finally, Adam spoke: "Good morning."

"Morning," Jackie said lightly. "Are you all right?"

Adam smiled. It was so deep and so gentle, it squeezed Jackie's heart with an unknown emotion.

"I'm fine," he answered. "I was just thinking about how to thank you."

"Thank me? For what?"

Adam breathed a quiet chuckle. "For tonight, Jacqueline." He came over to the bed and sat next to her. He brushed her hair away from her face and took a hand in his. He stared at their joined hands, rubbing the joints and knuckles gently.

"I can't tell you what this means to me, Jacqueline. I needed you tonight. Your ear, your shoulder, your courage, and you were here." He looked up at her, and he cupped her cheek in his hand, brushing her lips lightly with his thumb. "No matter what I say, or how I react, I do know what you sacrificed to be here tonight. I am very much aware of what oaths you've broken to do this. You'll never know just how important a thing you've done here tonight, and I'll never be able to thank you properly for it."

Adam was quiet for a long time. Jackie was speechless.

After a while Adam simply took her into his arms and held her. "I won't be able to call you for a while, but I will be back," he said definitely. "Of course, I don't know when."

"Of course," Jackie replied archly, the familiar bringing her voice back.

Adam's eyes crinkled with amusement, then sobered. "I will never ask you to spend a night with me like this again," he said, even more definitely. "This I promise."

Jackie looked at him, her head crooked to one side. "You don't make many promises, do you?"

His eyes widened with surprise. "Why do you say that?"

"Well, when you said 'I promise,' your voice took on a tone of solemnity that I've never heard. Like you were making a proclamation, not a promise."

Adam smiled, but didn't answer.

"Maybe for you," Jackie continued, "a promise is a proclamation."

"Perhaps."

Jackie sat up and kissed him lightly on the lips. "I've got to get up," she said briskly. "I'm gonna take a shower." She got up around him and went into the bathroom. She was very moved by what Adam had said to her about his gratitude, but she was also a little embarrassed. She had wanted him to be aware of what she had sacrificed, and she even wanted him to be grateful, but she hadn't expected him to be so aware or so grateful. Besides, the poetic way he shown his gratitude and his promise made her uncomfortable. It expressed a deepening feeling between them that she was afraid of. She had come here last night for reasons she didn't understand, with feelings she couldn't comprehend. To know that there were deep feelings on his side as well, even 'though they were as incomprehensible has hers, made her frightened.

She had to make sure that this stayed as casual as possible. There was a possibility, she thought, brightening, that she might never see him again. That was always a possibility in this peculiar relationship. Maybe now was the time he'd disappear for good.

She jumped into the shower with a sense of resolution. She struggled, however, to ignore the huge, icy boulder that dropped into her gut at the thought of never seeing Adam again.

After Jackie showered, Adam ordered breakfast and then went in to shower himself. He had made a half-hearted semi-erotic comment about showering together, and she made a half-hearted semi-erotic comeback, but neither of them was really into it. Perhaps he thought it was a mandatory thing. Jackie let it go.

By the time Adam had showered and dressed, the breakfast arrived and they sat down to eat. They didn't bother sitting on opposite ends of the table. They sat next to each other and ate and shared the food with a familiarity and comfort they'd never had before. Jackie didn't think about it until much later. She simply went with the flow. It was a quiet meal, and peaceful. Jackie's mind was elsewhere, already dealing with issues she had put off yesterday. Adam's mind was also elsewhere, maybe a million miles away. He looked calm and ready for anything.

All too soon it was time for Jackie to leave and to face what the day had in store for her. What the day held for Adam was something she didn't even want to contemplate.

They were standing by the door, Jackie's overnight bag by her feet; Adam's hands were on her shoulders, gently stroking her neck.

"You take care, now," he said earnestly, putting the force of his feelings behind the words, leaning close so he can see her eyes.

"I will, Adam. You take care, too."

"I will. Jacqueline, I want to tell you--"

"You've already told me, Adam. It's okay. And I appreciate knowing I'll not be doing it again."

He shook his head. "No, that's not it. You accept me, Jacqueline. Me and what I've done. I can't tell you--"

"Adam, it's been said already," Jackie interrupted, starting to feel uncomfortable. She'd always had trouble with people expressing gratitude to her, and to have it in this situation was almost unbearable. She had done what she felt she had to do, for good or ill, right or wrong, and now she had to accept it and live with it. She didn't need gratitude gumming up the process.

He sighed and nodded. "Okay, fine. If you want me to--"

"I do. It's fine. Really."

"Okay." He said it with a pout. Jackie pouted back and they both laughed.

There was nothing else to say. Adam took Jackie in his arms and kissed her deeply, lovingly, like he did when they had made love. Jackie responded, with all the deep, tender emotions he had awakened in her. She held on for as long as she could bear to and then let him go. He stepped back as she picked up her bag and opened the door.

"Godspeed, Adam Pierson," she said softly.

He brushed her hair away from her face. He looked as if he were about to say something, but instead he smiled, a tight, crooked smile that never quite reached his grave eyes.

He stepped back so she could close the door as she left.

Jackie didn't hear from Adam Pierson for six months. When he called her, out of the blue, as usual, he sounded casual. When she saw him (yes, she went to see him, again!), it was very casual, for both of them. It was like two old friends getting together to catch up and have sex.

So it began again. Adam would call every once in a while, once, at most twice, a month. She still didn't understand why she had to see him, but she went to see him anyway. They had somewhere along the line become friends, and that was one reason why she went. Their visits were very much like they were in the beginning: sweet, fulfilling and casual.

This was an enormous relief for Jackie. She knew that the deep, tender, and yet unnamed, emotions she held for Adam were still there, but they were put away; locked up in a trunk that was hidden in a room at the back of her mind. Those emotions belonged to another Jackie from another time, and were felt for another Adam. Those emotions had nothing whatsoever to do with the two people who were meeting to talk about their work and their travels and their cities, and to have casual sex.

The sex between them was very good. Sometimes, however, it got very intense, and Jackie felt the lock giving on that trunk. Or, in the middle of it, Adam's eyes would grow darker with a deep, unfathomable look. Whenever that happened, one of them would pull back, make a light comment or tell a story. They were both adamant about keeping the affair light and casual.

It was another visit in room 905 of the Plaza. Instead of a long lunch meeting, Jackie told her assistant that she had a doctor's appointment and wouldn't be back to the office. It was a beautiful spring day, and she wanted to enjoy it. Andrea was out of town on a training seminar and Jackie wasn't thrilled about going home too early.

She and Adam had ordered lunch after they had made love, since she had the time. She had briefly thought about how he could afford this hotel as often as he did, but put the question away in deference to the quiche and salad.

After eating, they lay across the bed taking in the view. Something had occurred to Jackie the other day, and she brought it up now.

"Do you realize that I've seen you at least once a month for almost the past year?"

Adam looked over at her with a slight, sleepy frown. "Are you talking about some kind of anniversary?" he asked.

"Of course not! It's just that I see you once or twice a month for two, maybe three months and then you disappear for six, nine months, sometimes a year. But lately, you've been around pretty regularly. For you, I mean."

He smiled lightly and shrugged. "Not much keeping me any one place, I suppose." He returned his gaze to the outside world.

Jackie crooked her head to the side, regarding him thoughtfully. "Where do you go when you're not here, Adam? Where are you going or coming from when you pass through New York as you do?"

He shrugged again. "Here and there. I spend a lot of time on the West Coast and in Europe. Sometimes I'm in Asia, the Middle East, wherever."

"How can you afford that as a researcher, an under professor?"

Adam took a deep breath, his eyebrows climbing. "Well," he said slowly, "most of my travel is paid for by the University."

Jackie could swear there was a question in his voice, and there should be. For the times he passed through New York, his answer was insufficient. Nevertheless, he was acting strangely. Her question was making him agitated. He was no longer just looking out the window. His eyes had taken on a distant, faraway look, and he was pressing his lips together. It was all so familiar to her and it set off alarm bells.

Her own lips pressed together. "This is one of the questions I should not be asking, is it, Adam?"

He took another deep breath and simply shook his head.

"Fine," Jackie said with a shrug. "I withdraw the question."

He smiled at her, but it was a tight smile and his eyes stayed serious.

"Why are you here, Adam?"

"What?"

She rolled over and looked deep into his face. Then she pulled at his arm. "Come on, let's get dressed."

He started back, puzzled. "I don't understand."

"I gotta get out of this room. Let's go for a walk in the park."

The day was a fairly warm spring day, so the park was beautiful, although Adam still wore his long, black coat. Central Park was so close to the Plaza, they were in the middle of grass and trees within minutes. They walked in silence for a bit. It was late in the afternoon and the lunchtime crowds were gone and the park, though still busy, was not mobbed.

They passed a secluded bench under a stand of trees near a rock formation. Jackie took Adam's arm and led him to the bench. She sat close to him and gazed into his eyes.

"Now," she said quietly, "tell me."

"I don't know what you mean," he answered just as quietly.

"There's something going on with you. I want to know what."

"Have I treated you differently? Have I been weird?" Jackie thought that he was trying to sound casual, but it came out defensive.

So she said: "Don't be so defensive. It's only a question. What's going on?"

"I'm not being defensive!"

"Now you're pouting. Come on, Adam. This is not like you. I've seen you at least once a month for the past year. You've been fine, and it's been nice and casual, which is good for me. But lately, you've been distracted and bothered by something. So, what's going on?" she repeated.

Adam sprawled back against the bench, thrusting his hands deep into his coat pockets, pulling it closed. It looked for all the world as though he were protecting himself. He was quiet a long time, just staring around the rocks, the trees, and the sky. Jackie stayed quiet as well. She knew these signs. He would talk when he was ready. When he did speak, it was in slow, measured tones, his voice pitched low so only she could hear.

"My friend has disappeared."

"Your friend, the enforcer?" Jackie asked, her voice as low as his.

"Yes," Adam replied, with a slight smile at the name. "He went through some bad stuff and he killed someone by accident. Someone close to him, a friend, someone who considered him a teacher, a mentor." Adam closed his eyes, shook his head and sighed. "It was awful. It was a complete accident, but it destroyed him. He wanted me to kill him as punishment." He looked up at Jackie's gasp. "I didn't, of course. There was absolutely no way I would--kill him. But he couldn't deal with it, so he left." He sighed again, heavily.

"Do you know where he went?"

"I have an idea."

"But you didn't go after him." It was a statement.

"Look, when I take off, he has the good taste to leave me alone. I think it's only fair that I extend the same courtesy."

"So I'm not the only one whose life you disappear from?"

He graced her with a smile that, although sad, lit up his eyes.

After a moment, Jackie asked: "When did he disappear?"

"Almost a year ago."

"A year! So his friend was a year ago, too?"

Adam nodded.

"If it's been a year, Adam, what's been bothering you so much of late?"

"I've had some--people keeping an eye on him, making sure he didn't do anything stupid. But they don't know where he is right now. They lost him somewhere."

"Maybe he's on his way back."

Adam leaned over, resting his elbows on his thighs, staring at his hands. "Yes, I've thought about that."

Jackie watched him, amusement lightening up her eyes and bringing a half-smile to her lips. "So," she said, keeping all the amusement out of her voice, "I suppose you'll be taking off soon to try to find him."

Adam nodded. "Listen, I was going to tell you--"

"Forget about it, Adam. I just have one question."

"What is it," he asked, looking up at her.

"Are you two lovers?"

"What!?" he exclaimed, sitting up abruptly.

"You and your friend. Are you lovers?"

His mouth opened and shut several times, but no sound came out. Then his eyes crinkled with amusement and disbelief as a huge grin spread across his face.

"What's so funny?"

"I--I--I'm just trying to imagine MacLeod with another man. It's--It's very hard to imagine."

"MacLeod? Is that your friend's name?"

Suddenly, Adam's face turned to stone. The amusement was instantly gone as his eyes darkened and grew hard. A cold hand twisted Jackie's gut. She'd never seen such an expression on Adam's face. He'd suddenly turned into a stranger. His skin went white and the planes and shadows on his face shifted and conspired to make him look cold and dangerous, and much older than he was. She understood then how he could have killed a man, and she felt the chill of fear. He remained silent, regarding her through his lowered eyelashes.

Jackie didn't know what to do, so she went straight forward, right into the lion's den. "Hey," she said, with as much coldness as she could muster, "don't get pissed at me. You were the one who let his name slip. In all this time, I've never even asked for it. So I wasn't supposed to know, but now I do. Big deal."

Adam stared at her coldly for another moment then turned away from her. He softened visibility, his eyes closing and his shoulders slumping. "There was a reason you weren't supposed to know," he said quietly, his voice betraying nothing but weariness. "It's dangerous for you to know him, to know about him. I was trying to keep him out of your life. Not for him, or for me, but for you." His anger was measured.

Jackie felt the cold hand twist her gut again. "What is it with you two? You run in the oddest circles. You have the most dangerous, mortal enemies that come from God knows where, and you kill them. Or he kills them. Whether they must die or have to die is a question I don't even want to bring up. But they die! And they're not the only ones. People die around you. Or they almost die. Or one of you almost dies. What is it with you two?"

Adam turned back to her. He took both her hands in his and leaned forward until his face was only inches from hers. His eyes had lightened back to their normal hazel. He had a worried frown that crinkled his forehead and gave him a youthful air. Jackie wasn't allowed the time to process the enormous shifts she had seen in him, from cold and dangerous to boyish and filled with concerned affection.

"Jacqueline, listen to me." He spoke softly, but with an emphasis that rang with the truth. "Don't ask me about these people. This is definitely a question you do not want answered. This is a question I cannot answer, even if there were an answer I could give you. The answer is fatal. For all of us. Don't ask me again."

For a long moment, Jackie stared at Adam, tracing his pale, angular face with her eyes. She memorized the unusual features of this attractive young man who had so much more beneath his slender exterior. Could she accept this?

Then she sighed and gripped his hands tightly. Of course she could accept it. It was Adam, and for some incomprehensible reason, she could accept anything that came from him. Damn him. Yes, I'll accept it, as usual, she thought. Damn me.

Taking a deep breath, she changed the subject. "So, since you say you can't imagine your friend with a man I guess that means that you two are not lovers."

Adam threw his head back and laughed a deep rich laugh. "No," he replied, still laughing. "We are not lovers. Nor have we ever been lovers."

"And you never will be lovers."

That made Adam pause a moment, sobering with though. "Well, he's young yet," he said slowly, thoughtfully. "One never knows what the future might bring, eh?"

"I know you shouldn't have a problem with it."

"What d'you mean?"

"Well, you don't have a problem being with men, so if--"

"How would you know that?"

"Adam! You told me that you'd been with men in the past." He was still looking suspicious and puzzled, so she elaborated. "When we first got together, remember? You gave me your sexual history, and men were part of it but you assured me that you'd always taken the proper precautions." She paused for a moment, frowning at a sudden thought. "But you could have been lying. I know how well you can manipulate a situation. You could have lied to me about that just to clear the way." Her eyes grew dark and wild at the thought and her mouth tightened.

"Jacqueline!" Adam said quickly, before she could say anything else. "I did not lie to you about that!" He reached out and held onto her shoulders, meeting her eyes. "I did not lie to you. I am negative for all diseases and, yes, I have been with men, but I've always been concerned about protection. With both men and women."

Jackie could not deny the ring of truth she once again heard in his voice. She hung her head and slumped under his hands. He brought her gently into the shelter of his arms.

What is it about you? Jackie said to herself. I should be running away from you, refusing your calls, rejecting your invitations. What is it about you that keeps drawing me to you? Why am I able to accept you so completely, just as you are? What is it?

"I don't know, Jacqueline," Adam said softly, startling her. She had no idea she had been speaking aloud. "But I'm glad. Very glad."

Back at the room, they were standing at the window watching the sun setting behind the tall buildings, Adam's arm around Jackie's shoulder, Jackie's arm around his waist.

"Are you going to see him?" she asked him.

Adam shook his head. "No. I will find him, and watch out for him, but I won't see him for awhile. He's working through so much stuff. I'll see him when he needs me."

Jackie looked up at Adam's strong Grecian profile then rested her head against his shoulder. "Has he needed you in the past?"

"Oh, yes." It was a very quiet statement.

"Like you needed him?"

"It was different situations, but, yes."

"Did you risk your life for him the way he risked his for you?"

Adam didn't answer for a moment. Jackie looked up to see a soft smile on his face, his eyes filled with memory. "Yes, I did," he finally replied, his voice distant. "More than once. But, you know, it was worth it. I'd probably do it again. Damn me."

Jackie chuckled at the way he sounded so much like her. The sound seemed to bring Adam back to the present. He looked down at her, his eyes focusing on her. There was a little surprise on his face, as if he didn't know where he was or why she was here. She waited for it to fade away.

When he was completely back with her, she reached up and ran a hand down the line of his jaw, and then she brushed across his cheek then ran a finger down his strong nose.

"You'd be his lover in a heartbeat if he'd let you, wouldn't you?"

Adam didn't answer, but his eyes lit up with merriment and anticipation. They were almost golden with the possibility of it. He smiled, captured her hand, kissing the palm and then the inside of her wrist.

"So, Adam." she said when she realized that he was not going to answer her question. "Any idea when I'll see you again?"

The grip around her shoulder tightened, pulling her close to him. His eyes closed briefly. "I have no idea when I'll see you again."

"Or if."

He turned her toward him. "Or if," he said softly.

He took her into his arms and they kissed. It was deep and full, a kiss with passion, but containing the goodbye they both knew it was. Jackie ran her fingers into Adam's short-cropped hair; Adam took a double handful of Jackie's long auburn hair. They clung to each other, entwined with each other, and the kiss went on and on.

It was the last time they saw each other like that.

Jackie was working late again. It happened every so often. With ongoing presentations and training sessions, she always had so much paperwork to catch up with. Sometimes had so much to finish up, she'd be the last one there, working as late as nine or ten o'clock. This night was not different as she plowed through the stuff. Everyone else had left, the floor was quiet, and the only sound was her radio playing softly behind her. So she almost jumped out of her skin when someone spoke to her from her doorway.

"Working late?"

She looked at the large man filling the door. She'd never seen him before. Dark and heavy-featured, he was dressed very casually, in jeans and T-shirt. Not the way people dressed who worked on Wall Street. "Why, yes," she answered cautiously. "Are you lost?"

"No, I'm new here." He brushed his lanky, black hair away from his face and tried a vain attempt at a smile. It came out more like a sneer.

"I don't think so. I know everyone here. Hold on, let me find out what I can do to help you." She reached for her phone.

In the twinkling of an eye, the stranger was across the room. She didn't have time to think before he shoved a huge hunting knife under her chin. It must have been a foot long. The fear was sudden, overwhelming, slamming into her stomach like an icy boulder and lodging into her throat, stopping her breath.

"Now put the phone down." The whiskey on his breath washed over her, making her gorge rise. She couldn't move. She stared up at the twisted, furious face above her. "I said put the phone DOWN!" She dropped the receiver. "That's better. Now you be good, and you won't get hurt."

"What do you want?" she asked, fighting to keep the terror out of her voice.

"What do you think?"

"I don't know. I don't know--"

He grabbed the front of her blouse and dragged her to her feet. When he kicked her chair away and started to push her onto the floor, she got the idea.

"NO!" She balled her fist and smashed it into his nose. He howled and smashed her in the face with the fist holding the knife. She reeled back and started falling. She heard her blouse rip but he still had a good grip on it.

"You bitch! I told you to be good!" Then he backhanded her. She was flung against the desk then fell to the floor like a stone, her blouse giving way. She could barely see with the pain, and everything exploded into red when he kicked her in the stomach. The room receded as she started to lose consciousness. She fought to stay awake, terrified that he would kill her if she passed out. She tried to scramble to her feet, but he grabbed the waistband of her skirt.

"Stay still, bitch, or I'll kill you," he growled, brandishing the knife in front of her eyes. She lay still, staring at the two-sided serrated blade. It disappeared from her view and then she heard and felt it cutting into the fabric of her skirt. He was cutting her skirt off.

The knowledge galvanized her into action. She flung her knee up, hitting him in the back with it. At the same time, she struck him on the chin with the heel of her hand.

He roared, rearing back, taking her skirt with him. He dropped the knife and flung the skirt aside and Jackie thought she had a chance to escape, but before she could move, he was on her. He straddled her hips and started raining blows on her face, her neck, her chest. The force of the assault brooked no opposition. His fists kept pounding at her until her eyes rolled back in her head and she finally passed out.

Jackie awoke to more pain. The strange man was on top of her thrusting at her. It was burning agony, and with each thrust, she thought she was going to be ripped apart. Her mouth moved, but only a whimper came out. She tried to move her arms, but they were over her head. He had tied them and was holding them above her head with his free hand. He still had the knife in his other hand, still too close to her throat. The man ignored her feeble movements as he continued, sweating and gasping and grunting.

Jackie tried to think, but there was so much pain! She could barely tolerate the pain from her beating; what he was doing to her now was unbearable.

"Please stop," she whimpered, the words forcing their way past her lips. She just wanted the pain to stop. He either ignored her or couldn't hear her and didn't stop until he was done. When he was done, he collapsed onto her. Jackie turned her head to the side, the tears finally coming.

"Well, snazzy lady, what did you think of that?"

Jackie closed her eyes against the smirk in his voice. He laughed cruelly, shifting his weight and releasing a large sigh of self-satisfaction. He didn't seem to notice that his grip on her hands had loosened.

"You know," he said, almost conversationally, "you were pretty good." He released her hands entirely as he pushed himself up and got onto his knees next to her. He held the knife in front of her face. "It seems almost a shame to kill you. I wouldn't mind having this again."

He held the knife in front of her face, watching her eyes as they followed the blade. He didn't notice that her face had turned to stone and that her hazel eyes were ice-cold. He was just fascinated by the intensity of her gaze on the knife blade.

Jackie stared at the knife, slowly bringing her still-bound hands down, ignoring the creaking pain in her shoulders, ignoring the agony throbbing incessantly through her body with every heartbeat. She knew she'd have to move quickly, and so she did.

Whipping her arms down, she grabbed the knife at the base of the blade, wrenching it out of the man's hand. She barely felt the sharp edge slicing into the palm of her right hand as she pulled the knife away, the pain of it almost lost among all those others. Grabbing the hilt of the knife with her left hand, she buried the blade into the man's neck.

The stranger howled his fury and jerked back, pulling away from the knife. Blood went everywhere, but Jackie was naked and already bloody so she didn't care. He jerked to his feet, fishing in his pocket.

Jackie fought to her feet to try for the phone and fell again when she felt him slam into her leg. She turned back, holding the knife up in her two hands, but he was still a few feet away, bleeding from his neck.

It wasn't until something slammed into her side that the sound of gunfire penetrated through the pain and terror, along with the acrid smell of gunpowder. The bastard had shot her! Her own rage bubbled up and without hesitation, she stepped toward him and with an upward sweep, thrust the knife into his wrist. He screamed, dropped the gun and stumbled backward, fighting to get his arm off the knife. He kept screaming and screaming and Jackie finally pulled the knife out. He ran out of the room roaring. She followed him as far as the door, slamming then and locking it.

Fighting for control, Jackie stumbled back to her desk and the phone. Tears were coursing down her face, her body was throbbing with agony and she was on the verge of passing out again. Hold it together, girl, she told herself. Just one more minute.

When the 911 dispatcher got on the line, Jackie had pulled it together enough to tell her the address, her floor and office number, and what had happened to her. "I think he shot me. I stabbed him, but I don't know where he is. Hurry! Please hurry!"

The dispatcher assured her of their haste, and told her to hang on. Jackie wanted to, but the world was getting darker again. "Hurry--" she whispered once more into the phone, then everything went black.