PART 1: "I think she'd make a great immortal."

Chapter 2

Jackie put the whole cruise incident behind her. There was the odd time when she pulled it out to look at it, but those times were usually when the pressures at work made her question her own worth and abilities. It helped, sometimes.

On the train heading home after their fifth visit, Jackie once again thought about that first painful meeting in the Plaza hotel.

Her morning was going as usual, meetings, political arguments, and decisions, when the phone rang.

"Jackie Sloane," she answered.

"Hello, Jacqueline. It's been a while."

She froze at the sound of his voice, her throat closing with shock.

"Adam?" It was barely a whisper.

"Jacqueline? Are you there?"

"Adam?" It was hoarse, but this time, it was audible.

"Yes, it's me. I said I'd call you when I was in New York. Well, I'm here."

"But that was months ago!" Her head was swimming in molasses and she felt like she was trying to breathe through cotton.

"I know, but I had a few things to take care of. Sorry."

She shook her head, then realized he couldn't see it. "No, no. That's not what I meant. I never expected you to call, even when you did come to New York."

"Why not?" he asked. She could hear the smile in his voice.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I just never expected to hear from you."

"Would you like to meet for lunch?"

"Or to see you again."

He laughed out loud at that. "Gods, I've missed you. Come, meet me for lunch. We'll have it in my room so we don't have to deal with people."

Her immediate answer should have been no, but for some reason, she didn't say it. "Where are you staying?" she asked instead.

"The Plaza, room 905."

Her mind was blank against her efforts to try to think. She dug for the will to say no, but that eluded her as well. She bit her lip. "Okay," she found herself saying. "1pm?"

"Good. I'll see you then."

"Adam," she called quickly before he could ring off.

"Yes?"

"Why?"

His deep, gentle chuckle sent shivers through her limbs. "Your favorite question. Ask me again at lunch." He hung up the phone before she could get another word in.

Jackie stared at the dead receiver for a long minute, then carefully put it back in its cradle. Taking a deep, shaky breath, she rubbed her hands over her face. Another moment to compose herself, then she lifted the receiver again and dialed her assistant to cancel her 2:30 meeting.

She was standing with her back to the door of room 905 of the Plaza Hotel. Adam was standing in front of her. He looked exactly the same: same pale skin, same dark clothes, same fascinating features. The only change was that his dark hair was shorter, looking like he had cropped it himself. She felt her hand move of its own volition. It wanted to stroke that cheek.

"You look the same," she said, instead.

He looked at her critically, noting the auburn hair up in a bun and the neat suit: a light forest green, form-fitting skirt with a modest, business slit and the tailored jacket. Three buttons. "So do you," he replied. "And why shouldn't we? It's only been a few months."

"It seems longer."

He thought about that for a moment. "It certainly does," he said quietly. There were more to his words.

"So, what's been happening with you? Still deep in ancient history?"

He took her arm and led her to the table that was set up with their lunch. "Not really, of late," he answered. "I've been busy."

"You don't have more murderers following you, do you?"

Adam glanced at her sharply, his eyes narrowing. "What do you mean?"

Jackie felt her eyebrows climbing her forehead. The statement was meant to be a joke, but she obviously hit quite close to home. "Well, the last time we were together, you told me about a murderer. I was just joking, actually--"

Adam smiled sheepishly and sat across from her. "Sorry. I'm just a little jumpy about that. Please. Let's eat."

She picked at the food for a bit, watching him speculatively. He was watching her, too. "So, what did happen?" she finally asked.

He swallowed, shrugged. "The guy I had put in jail got out. He made a mess in Paris, killed a few more people, but he's not making any trouble now."

"Is he back in jail?"

Adam raised his head and looked Jackie steadily in the eye for a moment. "No," he answered shortly. "He's dead."

Jackie's eyes widened. "Did you--?"

Adam looked back down at his plate and shook his head. "No, I couldn't," he murmured, sounding bitter. "I had to leave that to a friend of mine."

"Why does that make you angry?"

"It doesn't. Not really." He got up abruptly from the table and started pacing. "I just don't like the idea of my friend putting himself in danger. It started out as my fight," he mumbled. "He had to finish it."

Puzzled, Jackie got up as well and went to him. "I don't understand. What's wrong, Adam? What is it?"

Adam sighed, shaking his head. "Nothing, nothing. It's nothing."

"But he's dead now, isn't he? And you're safe?"

Adam didn't say anything for a long moment. "I suppose," he finally replied, quietly.

"Is your friend in trouble because of this?"

Adam shook his head.

"How come? Is he in law enforcement?"

Despite himself Adam laughed. "Law enforcement?" His laughter grew until he stumbled back into his chair, holding his sides with merriment. Jackie stood watching him with a puzzled smile. Adam glanced up and her expression sent him off into more laughter until tears stood in his eyes. After long minutes of this, he finally started to calm down, gasping, wiping the tears from his face. "Well," he said, blowing his nose, "I guess you can say he's in enforcement. He is good fighting against evil, so I guess--" He broke down into chuckles again.

He held out a hand. Still bemused, Jackie put a hand into his. He wrapped an arm around her waist and drew her down onto his lap. "I'd forgotten how someone like you could be so innocent."

"Adam! Please tell me what's going on!"

He shook his head, still smiling. He ran a finger over the freckles on her nose and then up over her hair. One at a time, he pulled out the pins holding her bun in place.

"I love your hair," he whispered, running both hands into the hair he had released and was now tumbling over Jackie's shoulders. "The red is almost like highlights, so deep, so dark." He was starting to sober, although his eyes still held evidence of his merriment.

Jackie suddenly realized how close they were. She was on his lap and didn't even know how she got there. Adam buried his face into the hollow of her neck. "I didn't even know I missed you." Jackie barely heard the soft murmur. She put an arm around him and found a surprise. He seemed so slender, but his shoulders were broad, and they felt muscular under her hands. It made her wonder about the rest of him--

Lunch was suddenly forgotten. All the nerves she had at coming here were also forgotten. The questions she had asked herself on the way over, including how far she would go, answered themselves. He produced condoms without being asked, told her his status without concern and gave his history without hesitation when she asked. There didn't seem to any roadblocks except the ones that she placed, and he waited and watched to see what she would do with those.

He didn't push her at all. He didn't even try to sell her with kisses. They had moved away from the table and by now were sitting side by side on the bed, not touching. He simply waited for her to make the first move. So she did. Turning to him, she ran her fingers through his newly shorn hair and kissed him.

"Jacqueline? Is this really what you--"

"Shhhh. Don't speak. Don't speak."

He obliged her. He pulled her close and released what he had been holding back while waiting for her decision. His passion washed over Jackie and she moaned with it. Or he moaned. She couldn't tell. The kisses went deeper than they had dared to let them on the ship. Adam's hand running over her body set her on fire, and she tugged at his clothing.

Within moments they had passed the point of no return and Jackie violated every vow she had made, spoken and unspoken, to herself and to Andrea. She was aware of that, but she was enthralled with emotions and circumstances beyond her control, and this was something she would have to learn to live with. Then she put her brain on hold and let her body take over. She had made the decision and took the first step; now it was Adam's turn to lead them the rest of the way.

So it began. The strange, mysterious academic was in her life and there was no turning back.

Now there had been five visits like that. He had attempted the lunch spread for two more visits, but by visit number four, he dispensed with the charade. Each visit started the same. It would be an ordinary day at work, the phone would ring, and she would hear his voice. That would blow the rest of the day. In between these visits, when she thought about it, she felt lucky that he only called her once or twice a month. Any more and it would become obvious. People would find out, and that was the last thing she needed, or wanted.

Jackie saw Adam so infrequently that she could almost believe that it was all a dream, a fantasy that was happening to someone else. Then he would call, and she'd hear his voice and everything would come rushing back and she felt that she had just seen him yesterday, and it would begin all over again. The rush to the hotel, the tentative getting to know each other and then the passion that neither of them could understand or explain.

She dealt with it by trying to not think about it. He dealt with it by asking about Andrea. Jackie wondered once or twice if he always asked about Andrea to punish himself for their secretive affair, if it were a reminder that he deliberately used to cut both of them to the quick.

Jackie massaged the whole meeting in her mind for another day or two and then released it. Over the course of the next week, it dissipated from her mind like a mist that had blinded her and was now lifting so she could see the sun.

Then Labor Day was over, and so was summer. Everyone was back to work full blast and things were progressing normally, when, almost halfway through the month, the phone rang.

When Jackie heard Adam's voice, she wondered why she didn't have a phobia about answering the phone. Just hearing his voice put her life into such a tailspin, one would think that the phone would become a source of terror for her. This was a digression, and she knew it, thinking about anything except what she should be thinking about. Before long, she had changed the rest of her day, made the phone calls she had to, and was heading on over to the Plaza Hotel, room 905.

It was a very sweet visit. Adam was completely present and gentle and loving. She didn't quite understand, but she went with it anyway. For the first time, he didn't ask about Andrea, but she did ask about his work. They were spending some time just hanging out in bed, avoiding the inevitable end of the visit, when she asked about "how it was going in ancient history." He told her that his work had shifted a bit.

"I'm not dealing with such ancient history now," he told her. "Right now it's more Middle Age stuff, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, specifically."

"Well, that certainly sounds interesting. Any particular reason why?"

"Not really. But I've found that the Celtic races have given much to the world's civilization. It's important to preserve it, so that's what I'm doing now. Preserving Celtic history."

"A worthy cause."

That got a laugh out of him. One of the few that day. It led to more kisses, and more cuddling, and more procrastination.

Of course, the time came for her to leave. They were by the door, Jackie's hand on the doorknob. Adam's hands were shoved into his pockets, his head lowered so that, even with her diminutive height, Jackie could only see the top of his head. "So," she asked, as usual, "do you know when you're coming back to New York?"

"No. I have no idea."

"So, you have no idea when I'll see you again."

He shook his head.

"Or if."

He raised his eyes slowly and met hers, his face twisting a bit. "Or if," he replied softly. It was becoming a mantra.

Jackie felt the same twist in her gut and found she couldn't speak. Taking a deep, shaky breath, she nodded.

He reached up and brushed a strand of hair from her cheek that had gotten away from her bun. She traced a line down his nose. He leaned toward her and their lips met in a soft kiss. When they parted, Jackie kept her eyes lowered. She felt a feather-light brush against the back of her hand as she turned the doorknob, but it didn't stop her. She closed the door without looking back, sure she was never going to see him again.

And she was right. The fall came and then eased into winter. Adam eased out of Jackie's thoughts. For about a month after their last meeting, she was wary when she answered the phone, but that soon disappeared as well.

The winter was not that hard. Most of her pressures came from work. Her home life was normal and good. She wondered, on and off, why she didn't feel guilty about her clandestine affair, but soon realized that it was because it had such as dream-like quality. It wasn't real. Do you feel guilty when you look at another woman when she walks by in a skimpy skirt or if you have an erotic dream about a friend? The whole affair felt like that. Besides, it was over. Best just to put it behind her.

The spring was short and wet. It made her teeter between missing the dry, bright-blue winter days, and longing for the warm, slow summer. It was a warm, slow summer day when the call came.

"Jacqueline?"

At the sound of Adam's voice, Jackie's heart slammed into her throat. She didn't answer, taking a moment to compose herself. Things would be different this time. "Adam."

"How have you been?"

"Fine. And you?"

"Fine. It's been a long time."

"Yes it has. Where've you been?"

"Oh, here and there. There, mostly. Sorry."

"Oh, don't apologize. Best thing you could have done." Her voice was cold, but she didn't care. She was so torn hither and yon by so many emotions, the only thing she could do is defend herself. "Why the call?"

"I was hoping we could have lunch."

"Can't. Sorry."

"Tomorrow?"

"No. How long are you in town?"

"Just a few more days."

"Well, I won't be free for at least 2 weeks."

There was a long silence. "You're angry with me."

"Why should I be angry? I have no hold on you, no claim. I'm in a very happy relationship that was being threatened before you left. Why should I be angry at you for leaving?"

"So then, why are you angry?"

It was her turn to be silent. Should she just hang up the phone or tell him the truth? "I'm angry because you came back."

"--oh--"

"My life was so simple before you and after you left, and I'd like to keep it simple."

"Well, you can say no, you know."

Pause. "I think I just did." Then ever so gently, Jackie hung up the phone.

She stared at the phone for a long moment then rubbed her hands over her face. She almost rubbed her eyes, but remembered her brand-new contacts just in time. She sighed and tried to get back to work, but it was hopeless. Why was she angry? She was angry because he called, that was a certainty. Gone a year then he thinks he can just traipse back into her life as if he never left!

Oh, jeez! Now she was thinking like a jilted girlfriend!

She was angry that he was trying to disrupt her life again. He had come at her from left field then disappeared! What did all this mean?

The phone rang again. She picked it up and started speaking almost before Adam's voice registered, asking him the questions she had just asked herself.

"Why are you calling after all this time?"

"Jacqueline--"

"What are you doing? What do you hope to get out of this? There must be an easier way for you to get laid!!"

"Jacqueline!! Let me explain!! I just wanted to talk to you!"

"Oh, sure. Like every other lunch date we've had. Talk!"

"I'm serious." His voice certainly did sound serious. It was grave and somber and serious. "It's been so long since I've spoken to you. So much has happened. There's no one else, Jackie. No one."

Jackie sighed. She was lost the moment he said "Jackie." He never called her Jackie. Coming from him, it sounded like an endearment. Not to mention telling her that she's the only one he can talk to. If she kept a diary, she would have changed his name in it from Adam to The Great Manipulator. He had so easily changed her mood from angry rejection to one of concerned friendship.

"Okay," she said, abruptly. "Same time. Where?"

"Same place."

"Same room?"

"Yes."

"We just talk!" she stressed, her annoyance obvious.

"That's all. I promise. Just talk."

Jackie sighed. Here we go again.

Jackie almost laughed despite herself when she walked into room 905 and saw the lunch spread waiting for her.

"I guess you meant it, eh?" she said to Adam as he closed the door.

"I sure did," he replied.

They sat down at opposite ends of the table. She looked at him as she sampled the lunch fare. The food was good and Adam looked the same, exactly the same. He concentrated on his food, but he had to be aware of her intense scrutiny. It didn't go on for long, however. Her curiosity soon got the better of her.

"What's going on with you, Adam? What happened?"

He sat for a long moment, eating slowly. Jackie watched him struggling with what he wanted to say, struggling with the fact that he looked like he regretted telling her he wanted to talk to her.

"Changing your mind?" she asked him.

He looked up sharply, his eyes narrowing. "Changing my mind?"

"Well, you told me you needed to talk to me, that you had no one else to talk to. Now, I'm here and you look like you don't want to talk after all. What I'd like to know is: did you lie to me about wanting to talk, or are you simply having a problem 'sharing'?"

"I didn't lie to you about wanting to talk to you. I'm just having a problem talking, that's all. It's difficult to talk about."

"So, why ask me here?"

"Gods, that question again. Why?" He took a sip of wine, then another one. "The last time we were together, you cut to the heart of the matter with my friend. You are so easy to talk to sometimes. I think of you when we're apart, and I wish I could run something by you and see what you think."

"You could call, you know."

"It's not that simple," he replied quietly.

"It never is. What happened, Adam?"

"I fell in love." He said it so softly, so abruptly, Jackie almost missed it. He was staring at his plate, playing with his food. Jackie sat very still. She didn't want to move a muscle for fear of breaking the mood.

"Her name was Alexa," Adam continued. "She worked in a bar a friend owns. She--she and I traveled a bit. Greece, Switzerland, Europe." He paused, gathering his strength, but Jackie knew what was coming. She didn't miss the 'was' when he spoke her name. "She was dying. I did everything I could to save her, but I failed. She died. I stopped with the Medieval History and went back to the Ancient stuff. Recipes in Latin from Ancient Rome." He glanced up, smiling a brief, tight smile. "It was nice, for a bit." He went back to his plate, back to playing with his food. "But it didn't last. Friend of mine got into trouble. I tried to help him, but my help caused someone to die. Someone died because I got involved. So I got out of there. Started traveling again. I took the same route Alexa and I took, but I went further and ended up in Tibet. I was able to go faster, because--" His voice faltered and finally died. He slowly let go of the fork, resting it on the side of the plate.

Jackie got up from her seat and went to Adam. By this point, she didn't know if she was acting on her own volition or was being manipulated by Adam, but she couldn't not act. She stood next to him and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. His eyes, when he looked up at her, were dark and hooded, his expression, stony. She stroked his hair. He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face between her breasts. She wondered briefly if he were going to cry, but knew almost immediately that he wasn't. She didn't even know if he was capable of it.

After a staying that way for a long time, Adam lifted his head and smiled sadly. "It's over now. All of it. Alexa, the trouble my friends are in, my reasons for getting involved. Over."

Jackie slipped to her knees and put her arms around Adam. He seemed to get some comfort from it.

"What do you think of all that, o innocent one?" he asked her.

"There's a popular saying," she responded. "Do you know the best thing about other people's problems?"

"What?"

"They're not mine."

That got a laugh out of him. It was brief and filled with sadness, but a laugh nevertheless. "I never realize how much I miss you until I see you again."

"Then I guess you're very lucky. You don't see me very much."

Adam was true to his word. They spent the rest of the visit talking. He did not elaborate anymore on Alexa or the trouble his friend had been in. He spoke instead about his travels and some of the things he'd seen, obviously trying to lighten up the mood. He did bring up her hair color again. They had moved their chairs closer together and had fallen into silence when he reached up and lightly brushed a hand over her hair.

"I've never seen such a deep red color."

Jackie raised a cynical eyebrow. "Never?"

"Okay, okay. Maybe I have. But I can't recall anyone right now."

Jackie grinned and, before she could stop him, Adam reached over and ran a finger over the freckles on her nose. She grabbed his hand.

"Come on, Adam," she chided gently. "Play fair."

"Goes against my nature," he said quietly, almost to himself.

Jackie decided at that moment that the visit had to end. "Listen, I gotta go. This afternoon is going to be hell. I've got two people who have to learn how to give Benefit Instruction by next week. If I don't start training them today, they're going to be lost."

Adam's mouth moved as if he were about to say something, but instead, he released her hand and stood up. Jackie grabbed her purse and went to the door. She turned and opened her mouth but closed it quickly with a snap. She had been about to ask that fatal question again, but she decided that it was a very bad idea.

"You take care, now, Adam," she said instead.

"You, too, Jacqueline."

They stood still a moment, unsure of what to do, and then they reached out and hugged each other. It was brief, but sincere; a hug between friends.

"Do you want me to walk you down?"

"That won't be necessary, but thanks anyway."

"I'll see you, Jacqueline."

"See you."

And she did.

Two weeks later, he called, and she went to see him. The only thought she allowed into her head was: "And so it begins."

He called again the following month and she went again. These last two visits were different than the others. They were intense and exciting, as the others had been, but there was something else there in the lovemaking, something comfortable about it, peaceful, friendly.

At the end of that second visit, Jackie asked the question. She didn't want to, but something deep inside pushed her. Maybe it was the way Adam had kept talking about traveling and Tibet, of all places.

"So, Adam." she asked. "Any idea when I'll see you again?"

He seemed amused by the question, and saddened at the same time. The answer he gave was the one he always gave: "I have no idea."

"Or if."

He took her into his arms. "Or if," he replied softly.

The next time she heard from him, he was not at the Plaza.

"Adam Pierson is here to see you."

Jackie took the phone away from her ear and stared at it. "Excuse me?" she said into it.

"Adam Pierson," the receptionist repeated. "He's here to see you."

"Did you say Adam Pierson?"

"Yes, I did." She was starting to sound impatient. "Do you know an Adam Pierson, Ms. Sloane?"

"Yes. Yes, I do. Have him wait. I'll be right out."

Jackie sat for a moment, chewing her bottom lip; and wringing her hands. What was here doing here? How did he know where she worked? The business card! God, how stupid! But it was odd! Adam knew better. She got up abruptly. Something was wrong. She was sure of it.

His back was to her when she entered the reception area, but she could see something was bothering him. He was in his usual black coat, but he was agitated and pacing the small area, which was really bothering the receptionist.

"Adam?"

"Jacqueline!" He came quickly to her and would have taken her into his arms if she hadn't quickly put a hand out. He stopped and looked at it for a second, puzzled. Then his face cleared as realization hit him. He put his own hand out and shook hers, giving a quick, guilty look at the receptionist, who was watching them curiously.

"Come," Jackie said, briskly, "let me take you back." Then, gesturing toward the way she came, she led the way.

They had left the reception area and were traversing the hallways toward her office when Adam grabbed her arm and stopped her.

"Jacqueline, I have to talk to you!"

"I know. I'm figuring that that's why you're here! Just wait a moment."

He took her shoulders, gripping them with unsteady hands. "I know I shouldn't have come, but I had to see you. I had to talk to you." It was said intensely, but he was struggling to keep his voice low. "I need you. I need your help tonight."

She looked around quickly. Thankfully the hallway was empty. "Come, Adam. We'll talk in my office."

"But will you stay with me tonight?"

"Tonight?" She looked up at him, her lips tightening. "I can't stay with you tonight!"

"Tomorrow night?"

"Adam, I can't stay with you any night! I have to go home to Andrea!" Her eyes narrowed, her low voice taking on an angry intensity, matching his. What was he expecting? Their affair might be wrong, but at least it was casual and carried no unrealistic demands on either of them. "Remember Andrea?" she asked facetiously.

"Of course I remember Andrea!" he answered, his quiet voice going deep with impatience. "But this has nothing to do with her, or our affair!"

"Then what is this all about? Why did you come here? You know it's dangerous for you to come here!"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry." He let her go, dropping his hands and his head and running a hand through his hair. "But I had no choice. I had to come. There's no one else."

"There was no one else the last time."

He pulled back a bit, hurt widening his eyes. "There wasn't. I didn't lie about that." His mouth tightened and he glanced away from her.

Jackie felt her frustration and bewilderment boil over. Struggling to keep her voice quiet, she reached out and grabbed his arm. "Adam, you've got friends who would risk their lives to save yours, but you can't talk to them?"

"Well," he said slowly, rubbing his hands over his face, "it's hard to talk to someone after you just made them do something they were dead-set against."

Jackie let out a breath and let him go, shaking her head. "I'd say. Were you being The Great Manipulator again?"

His eyes narrowed. "What d'you mean?" he asked sharply, looking at her closely.

She just shook her head.

He leaned closer. "Jacqueline?"

"Come," she said, gently taking his arm and getting them walking again. "This is not the place for this conversation. Let's talk in my office."

She bustled him away, but was completely unaware that the hallway was not as empty as she thought. Jackie's assistant, Michael, had been walking down the hall a ways behind them when he saw the man who was walking with his boss suddenly stop and grab her arm. Michael ducked out of sight, wishing he was closer to hear what they were saying, but they were speaking too softly. He saw enough, however.

The man talking to his boss suddenly grabbed her shoulders and stood very close to her, speaking very intently only inches from her face. Not long after that, he let her go to run his hand through his hair and then over his face. Then Ms. Sloane grabbed his arm! They were still talking quietly, intently, and very closely.

Michael had never seen this man before, but it was obvious that Ms. Sloane had. It was pretty clear to him that she was more than friendly with him, and if he didn't know that she was gay, and he didn't know about Andrea, he would swear that that strange man was Ms. Sloane's lover.

He shook his head at that improbable thought and waited for them to walk on. The gentle way she took his arm said something, but he didn't want to jump to any more conclusions. Suspecting this man of being Ms. Sloane's lover was enough.

When he got back to their side of the building, Michael saw that Ms. Sloane's door was shut. He stopped off at the benefits administrator's cubicle and asked him: "Is she in there with someone?"

"Yes."

"Is she interviewing?"

"I don't know," the administrator answered. "I've never seen him before. He doesn't look like a candidate, 'though. He's dressed odd, with a long black coat and jeans. Somehow I don't think he's trying for a position here."

Michael just nodded and waked away. Curiouser and curiouser.

In the office that was piquing Michael's curiosity, Jackie and Adam were making plans to meet the following night. With some difficulty, Jackie knew that she could probably arrange to get away for the night, since it was something she'd had to do several times in the past. Adam seemed to chafe at the delay, but Jackie refused to do it any sooner.

"It's hard enough for me to do it this quickly. Usually I have at least a week's notice before I have an overnight trip. Andrea cannot know about this. It would kill her, and then I'd have to kill you."

Adam laughed at that. He ran a hand over Jackie's hair, playing with the pins in the bun, then cupped her chin. "You have no idea how good it is to see you."

Jackie accepted the caress. Damn, she'd missed him, too. She compensated for that by keeping her voice sharp. "Well, just make sure you're properly grateful. I'm risking an awful lot for this."

"I know that," he said. "Believe me, I know that." He took her into his arms and held her. Jackie allowed it for only a moment. His hold over her was too strong for her to allow any more.

"Well," she said casually, untangling the embrace, "I guess since you were needing to see me so much it was lucky for you that you were passing through New York."

"Oh, I'm not passing through. I came here to New York to see you."

Jackie looked up at him, surprised into silence. Then she frowned. "You came to New York just to see me?" she finally managed to say.

"Yes. Train to Paris, direct flight to New York. Took a cab right here." He frowned himself then. "Why does that surprise you?"

She shrugged and gestured helplessly. "Well, well--you've never done it before. And, well, and I didn't, I didn't think we had that kind of relationship. I thought it was casual. You know, you show up whenever you're passing through and have a little extra time. So we, well, we--we get laid, if you will, and then you disappear for a year or so." She shrugged and gestured again.

Adam took her hands in his, looking at her seriously for a moment. His face had gotten more and more somber as she spoke. "Maybe it was that way, at first, but perhaps it changed somewhere along the line."

"Like, when?"

"Like the time that I showed up needing a friend and you were a friend to me. You listened and you asked incredibly few questions."

"Ah, so that was it. I always thought I asked too few questions."

"Why doyou ask so few questions, Jacqueline?"

"Hey, the 'why' questions are my questions."

Adam threw back his head and laughed, then he shook it. "Why?" he asked again.

Jackie let the laughter ease away and thought about it for as long as it took. She had asked herself that same question many times and didn't even know if the only answer she had was the correct one.

"I'm not really sure," she finally answered. "Somehow, part of me thinks that it's not good to know too much about you. There's something about you that's dangerous. You can make people do things they would never do in a million years. Look at what I do to be with you, what I risk, what I'm planning to do to help you. I'm going to lie to my lover and my company to spend a night with you. And why? Because you asked me to. And if you can make me do all that for something like this, what would I do if I were closer to you? What would I do if I knew more about you? There's something in you that brings it out in people, and if someone gets too close to you--well, I feel that--well, let's just say that I ask so few questions because I'm trying to protect myself. I'm afraid to know. I don't want to know."

Adam listened to her, his eyes and mouth opening wider, his grip on her hands tightening. When she was done, his mouth closed with a snap, but his eyes were still wide and he was paler than usual. He swallowed convulsively a few times then licked suddenly dry lips, blinking rapidly. He seemed shocked into silence.

"Adam, are you all right?"

"Jacqueline, Jac--" he whispered hoarsely. "How did you get so wise? How can you be so innocent and so wise?" Lifting her hands to his lips he kissed each palm and stared at her. Finally, with a heavy, shuddering sigh, he closed his eyes and pulled her into his arms. He held onto her in a way he had never before. For some reason, it made Jackie uncomfortable.

"Innocent is the last thing I'd call myself," Jackie said cynically, gently easing out of his arms again. "But I've got to get back to work, and you've got to get out of here. I'll see you tomorrow night."

"You know the place."

Jackie sighed. "I sure do."

When she opened her office door, her assistant, Michael, her benefits administrator, and her head workshop trainer were clustered around Michael's cubicle, which was right outside her office.

"Is there a problem, Michael?"

"Oh, no, Ms. Sloane. I just have a few questions."

"Fine. I'll be right back."

Waiting for an elevator going down, Jackie shook her head. "Great! Just great! Now the gossip mill starts."

"Oh, come on, Jacqueline! What can they say? They don't know anything!"

"Well, they know you're not a Wall Street type. So why were you in my office for so long?"

Adam looked down at his attire. "Well, next time I'll wear a suit."

The elevator dinged and opened up. Just before it closed, Jackie stepped close to the door and said: "Let's make sure there won't be a next time."

Adam's delightfully rich laughter could be heard for several floors.

Andrea did not suspect a thing. She was angry and concerned that Jackie had been given very little notice for an overnight business trip, but she was not angry with Jackie and was sweet and sympathetic at the way the company was "using" her. It did not do much to improve Jackie's mood.

Meanwhile, she had to tell her assistant that she and Andrea were going out of town overnight so he wouldn't call the house if something should come up.

For his part, Michael didn't know what to think. In all the years he'd worked for Ms. Sloane, she'd never gone on an overnight trip with Andrea during the week. He thought of all the times that Ms. Sloane had cancelled afternoon meetings at short notice. Then he thought about that strange man and began to wonder. He felt strongly that something was going on, and that Ms. Sloane's visitor was in the middle of it. It made him think--.

Jackie, however, had decided to think about nothing. She had said she would meet Adam, she had arranged it all, prayed fervently that it all didn't blow up in her face, then put her brain on hold. She went through the day on autopilot. She put off any large strategic decisions, and answered all phone calls and e-mails by rote.

It was finally time to go. She had called Andrea and told her that she didn't know when she would be able to get in touch, but would if she could.

6:30pm, Room 905, the Plaza Hotel. Jackie put her overnight bag down and started thinking again. She thought about all the reasons why she shouldn't knock on that door, and tried to think of any reason why she should. The only one she could come up with was: well, I'm here. It wasn't much of a reason, but she knocked anyway.

The door was opened almost immediately. Adam stood on the other side and looked at her for a moment than he reached out and picked up her bag and brought it into the room, She followed it in.

The room smelled delicious. He had ordered supper in and it was waiting for her, steaming on the room service table. Her mouth watering, Jackie went over to it, just realizing that she had eaten nothing that day. She barely said hello, but started eating. Adam didn't seem to mind. He sat down as well and started to eat.

They ate in silence for most of the meal. When asked, Jackie declined a dessert. The meal was over, now she needed to know why she was here.

After the table was taken away, they sat in comfortable chairs with glasses of wine. Jackie simply waited. The ball was in Adam's court. He finished his glass of wine, refilled it, and made himself even more comfortable in the chair, slouching down, one leg tossed over the arm. Finally, with a heavy sigh, he began.

"When I was much younger, I did many bad things. Very bad things." He glanced up at Jackie, but she was simply listening to him. She didn't look like she wanted to say anything, so he looked back down at his glass and continued.

"I can't go into everything I did. Suffice to say I ran with a very bad crowd." He lifted a cynical eyebrow. "Every so often, when I was with them, I'd wonder if I was doing these things because I wanted to or because it was expected of me. Or maybe because if I didn't, they would come after me next." He watched the wine as he swirled it around in his glass, but he was looking inward, far away. "I was so different then," he said, half to himself. "I've come through that 'angry adolescence' and it's all different now." He glanced up, looking almost sheepish.

For a moment, it looked as if Jackie were about to say something, but she must have changed her mind, for she stayed silent.

"I stopped worrying about why I did those things when I got away from them," Adam continued. "It was over and I had moved on. The reasons didn't seem to matter anymore." He tossed the rest of the wine back in a single shot, put the glass aside and rubbed his hands along his knees. He couldn't look at Jackie.

"I was wrong. The reasons do matter, it turns out." He sighed. "The gang leader came looking for me." Another cynical eyebrow. "I think he wanted to kill me, but I wouldn't let him. And how did I do that? I promised him that I could put the rest of the gang back together. And so I did. And so he didn't kill me." Adam straightened up in the chair, his mouth tightening. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs and rubbed his hands across his face. "Another bad thing to add to the list," he added, staring at the floor between his feet.

By this time, Jackie was gripping her forgotten wineglass with both hands. She felt like she was Alice and had just stepped through the dark side of the looking glass. She could only listen as Adam continued.

"The gang leader was also after a good friend of mine. Someone he knew was close to me."

"The law enforcer," Jackie managed to get out.

Adam looked at her, surprised. "Yes! The one who helped me before. The enforcer," he added softly, shaking his head and smiling. "The gang leader wanted me to kill my friend to prove that I was really back in the gang. But I wouldn't do it. I couldn't. I tried to push my friend away so he wouldn't get involved. But it didn't work. He got involved anyway. He always gets himself involved," he muttered, "no matter what the fight. And so, since he was already involved, I arranged it so that my friend would kill the gang leader for me." Adam paused a moment. "Nice guy, eh?" The question dripped bitterness.

"What about the other gang members?" Jackie ventured.

"There were only two others. They went after my friend so he had to kill one of them. I killed the last one."

Jackie looked at the young attractive man who had just calmly admitted to killing a man. She wondered if he'd done it before. She wondered if that was why he was so upset, or if it was something else. She didn't know what to think and she didn't know what to say. So she did neither.

"My friend was really pissed off at the way I manipulated everything. I had never told him about my past. He had no idea that I had ever done anything so ev--bad. He thought I was always the way I am. I tried to tell him that I was different. That everything was different." His head fell and he sighed. "He didn't believe me. Didn't even listen to me. He just cut me out."

Adam looked up at Jackie and she was shocked at what she saw. His face was twisted with grief and guilt. It was clear to her now. Adam wasn't upset about the deaths of these people, or that he had killed one of them. He was upset because he had lost a friend.

"I thought you said that he saved your life again," Jackie said.

"He did!" Adam exclaimed. He leaned over, covering his face with his hands. "He could do nothing else," he continued, his voice deep. "He was involved, and so he had to see it through. He had to make sure that justice prevailed and that the good guys won." He took his hands away, clenching them into fists. He stared at them. "He's a good guy, you see."

"And you're not a good guy?"

"No, I'm not. I don't think I've ever been a good guy. I'm just a survivor." He got up from his chair and went to the window. "You've said it yourself, Jacqueline. I'm The Great Manipulator. And I manipulated the events and I manipulated the outcome. The good guys had to win, for many different reasons."

Jackie put her wineglass on the desk. She stayed where she was and spoke carefully. "But if you manipulated the situation so that the good guys won, doesn't that make you a good guy?"

He looked back at her briefly and gave her a tight smile. "One would think. But it doesn't. And my friend would agree. He's an honorable man with an honor system I barely understand and a morality I don't have. What I did to him was a betrayal. I knew it and I still did it. I hid the truth and I lied to him. I knew a long time ago that if I told him about my past, he couldn't forgive me. So I never told him, and to him, that was a lie, and to him, it was a betrayal." His voice faltered into silence. He sat heavily onto the bed burying his face in his hands again. "I've lost his trust, and his friendship."

Jackie watched this unusual moment of exposure. "What did he say when you told him this?"

Adam glanced sharply at her, shock warring with grief. "Told him? I never told him this!"

"So he has no idea how you feel?"

"Of course not. He thinks that I did all that coldly, with no thought to his feelings or the consequences."

"Did you?"

"Did I what?" Adam sighed, turning back to the window.

"Did you do it coldly, with no thought to his feelings or the consequences?"

"Of course I thought about the consequences. It was a very complex situation that changed hourly. If I didn't keep the possible consequences in mind, we'd have been lost."

"You did do it coldly, though, didn't you?"

Adam sighed again, rubbing his eyes. "Yes. Yes, I did." His voice was so quiet, Jackie could barely hear him. He was speaking gently to the window. "Once I worked out a course of action, I followed it to the bitter end. I changed it only when someone did something unexpected and I had to modify the plan to allow for the same outcome. I knew that what I was doing would hurt my friend. I knew that I was leading him into danger, manipulating him, lying to him--betraying him. But I had no choice. I had to do it. It was the only way I could see to work it so that the gang would be destroyed while we survived."

He fell silent. He stood at the window with his back to her for the longest time. When he turned, his face was white and haggard and he looked exhausted. He went to the bed, took his shoes off and lay down. Jackie watched him as he curled into a fetal position and fell almost instantly asleep.

Jackie stayed in her chair watching Adam sleep and thinking about what he had said. She could barely believe a word of it. If he hadn't been telling her odd things like this from the first time she met him--starting the story on the ship about that guy who murdered a friend of his--she would have left already. What kind of life did this strange man lead? What did he do when he wasn't leading her into an illicit affair, besides leading his friend into killing? She sighed and shook her head. She was asking questions again. The last thing she wanted were answers to those questions.

This friend of his, this enforcer, sounded as dangerous as the gang he helped wipe out. And Adam, so calmly telling her that he killed the last one, sounded as bad. She wondered what the very bad things were, but almost immediately squelched the curiosity. She rubbed her hands over her eyes. No wonder Adam was sleeping. Just hearing this stuff made her tired; living through it must be hell!

She retrieved her wineglass and slowly emptied it, refilled it and emptied it again. She finally got up and went to the bed and sat down. She looked at her watch. It was barely 9 o'clock! It felt like the middle of the night. She took her own shoes off and stretched out next to Adam. A small part of her felt a little paranoid, that perhaps she shouldn't fall asleep with such a man next to her. Another part, however, a larger part, scoffed at that little voice. She's been intimate with this man on a number of occasions. If he were going to hurt her, physically at least, he would have done it already. When her eyes started to close, she let them.

Jackie woke with a start; feeling like someone was watching her. She opened her eyes to find Adam was looming over her, staring at her face.

"What are doing?" she croaked.

"I wanted to see what color your eyes are the moment you wake up."

"Well?"

"They're hazel."

"They're always hazel!"

His face wreathed into a smile. "I know."

She looked critically into his eyes. "Your eyes are hazel, too."

"I know. I find it interesting that two people with such different coloring could have the same color eyes."

"Well," she said, yawning and stretching, "when it comes to eye color, there aren't that many choices."

At that word, Adam's hazel eyes darkened with memory. It reminded Jackie of a question she had wanted to ask.

"Adam, when did all this happen?"

"What?"

"All that stuff you just told me: the gang leader being killed by your friend, you killing one of them, all that stuff?"

Adam didn't answer for a moment. He just stroked Jackie's cheek then the freckles on her nose. "A few days ago."

Jackie sat up abruptly. "It just happened?"

He looked up at her mildly. "Yeah. Four, maybe five days. I left France as soon as I could. I came directly here."

"Oh, Jesus, Adam!"

He frowned, puzzled. "What?"

"Oh, nothing!" she said, falling back onto the pillows. "You just describe something pretty horrific and then blandly tell me it only happened a few days ago."

"I'm sorry. I didn't come here to upset you. I just needed to talk to you."

Jackie shook her head with disbelief. "This is a lot to get used to. It's a lot to assimilate."

Adam brushed her hair back from her forehead. Jackie reached up and grabbed his hand, holding it away from her face.

"Well," Jackie continued. "I obviously don't know even half of what went on, but from what you said, it doesn't sound like you had much choice."

Adam sighed and rolled over, propping himself up on pillows with his hands behind his head. "It doesn't matter that I didn't have a choice. It was a betrayal. I may never get him back because of it, and even if I do, I may never have his trust again. I deliberately betrayed him and risked his life. It damaged his trust and I'll have to learn live with that."

"Do you think he'll ever forgive you?"

"I don't know. Maybe. He did save my life twice in the past few days. I don't know."

Jackie leaned over him to run her fingers through his hair. His eyes closed as she caressed him. "There's a possibility he'll be able to forgive you," she said. "And together you've wiped out the evil gang, and you're both alive. Right?" She waited for him to nod. "You had no choice and it was the best plan you could come up with. Right?" He nodded again. "So why are you so broken up about what you had to do?"

Adam was quiet for a long moment. Jackie caressed his jaw and his cheek. He took her hand in his to stop the movement. His eyes met hers and held them steadily. "Maybe there was another choice, one that I missed. Maybe I could have done things differently. "

That was it, Jackie thought. That was the core of his anguish. A different plan that would have the same outcome but would leave their friendship intact. He held her hand tightly rubbing it with his thumb and forefinger. When Jackie spoke, it was with carefully measured words:

"Have you thought about it, Adam? Have you thought about it with 20/20 hindsight?"

"Yes."

"Have you come up with a better way?"

"Not yet."

"But you're going to keep trying." It was a statement.

"I have to."

"Part of your punishment?"

The sad smile was all the answer she needed.

"Oh, Adam," she said with a sigh, taking him into her arms. "You are so stubborn!"

He put his head on her shoulder, allowing his eyes to droop shut again. "You have no idea," he replied softly.

The rest of the night was spent like this. They would fall asleep, then one of them would wake up, the other one would inevitably waken and they would start talking again.

It was the third round robin of this when Jackie realized that they were saying the same things over and over and it was past 1 a.m., and she was hungry again.

"I'm starving, Adam. Let's get something to eat."

They called up room service and picked from the limited menu. They didn't care what was offered. They were just hungry.

They plowed through the pizza, ice cream and beer. After they put the tray outside, they relaxed with more beers, not saying much. Adam was sprawled across a chair with a definite air of contentment. He was looking calmer, less haggard, and more like himself.

Jackie watched him speculatively over the rim of her bottle. She wasn't sure what he thought he needed, why he thought he needed to see her tonight, but she had her own theories. She thought that he needed someone who would listen and who would not judge him or his actions. He needed someone to accept him for what he was, as he was, and to accept what he had done. That way, he could live with the consequences of his actions. And with her, and this night together, he got what he needed: that acceptance, freely offered and received. Hence, the contentment.

"What are you looking at, Jacqueline?" Adam asked her, his voice deep and weary.

"You. Just you looking tired and content."

"I am tired," he answered, smiling until his eyes crinkled. "And content. It must be the food."

"I think it's the beer."

Adam chuckled.

They sat for a while then Jackie got up and picked up her bag.

"Where're you going?" he asked casually. The wariness in his eyes belied his casual tone.

"The bathroom. I'm tired, too. I'm going to change for bed."

He smiled, relief making his eyes soft. "Good idea. Bed sounds like a great idea."

Soon they were doing something that they had always wanted to do, although neither of them had ever voiced the impossible wish: they were spending a lot of time just being together in bed, quietly talking and gently holding each other.

Jackie didn't know when they moved from talking and comforting and jokes to something deeper and more serious. She just suddenly became aware that they were sharing soft, loving kisses. As soon as she became aware of the sweet kisses, they took a passionate turn.

"Wait, wait!" she gasped, holding him off. He waited, watching her. His expression was mild, but his eyes were on fire. He held back, his hands gripping her firmly, fighting for control, waiting for her to make the decision, as usual. She stroked his cheek. He took her hand in his and kissed the inside of her wrist. She shivered at the intimate contact. She ran her fingers through his soft, cropped hair and stared into his eyes.

Funny, she found herself thinking, they're really dark when he's aroused. Not hazel at all.

It was her last coherent thought. She pulled him toward her and kissed him, deep and hard. Adam gasped as the waiting ended. He clutched at her, pulling her down onto the bed beside him. He lay along the full length of her body, kissing her as deeply as she had kissed him. He hung on to her, still kissing her, reaching with his free hand into the nightstand drawer for the condoms he had put there. Just in case.

They hadn't planned to make love that night, but they did. And it was very different. It would be a long time before Jackie could mark out the ways it was so different, and even longer before she understood why it was. The differences grew out of the time they had spent together during that incomprehensible night. The differences were also etched in the tenderness that had sprung up between them because of what they had given to each other during that night together. It was her risk and sacrifice coupled with the deeply personal, inexplicable knowledge Adam had shared with her. It made their lovemaking intensely intimate, cementing a bond that went deeper and lasted longer than either of them would realize for decades.