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Face your chair toward a printer; sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present.
Come to work in your pajamas.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.
Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn't turn out quite right; offer them as "special treats" to your co-workers.
Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, "I think my phone is ringing" and leave. Go get a coffee.
Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of your chair. Talk into your daytimer.
Insist that your e-mail address be zena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com.
Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathroom."
Include a personal note with every e-mail you send. "On a personal note, I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." "On a personal note, I'm pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night."
Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc. in the lunchroom; when people complain that there was none, lean back, pat your stomach, and say "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
