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  1. Save all manner of bacon grease.  You will be instructed later how to
use it.

  2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba".
You have a 75% chance of being right.

  3. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it  yourself.

  4. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.

  5. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.  It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.

  6. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

  7. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic.  Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

  8. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

  9. Do not buy food at the movie store.

 10. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

 11. Remember:  "Y'all" is singular.  "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

 12. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

 13. People walk slower here.

 14. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone.  They don't understand you either.

 15. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

 16. Be advised:  The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.

 17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way.  These are likely the last words he will ever say.

 18. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.

 19. Florida is not considered a southern state.  There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.