Walking

Dust.

Tasting the guilt
the pain
the everlasting regret
I walk on.

Not stopping
not letting myself stay.
Wandering.

The sword is by my side
its rhythmic sway
beckoning me to draw.

To kill.

To fall back to the smile
to the unfeeling cold
to the world of easy choices.

I wouldn't have to think
wouldn't have to wonder
What is right
What is wrong.

Right is Strength.

Shishio-san told me that once
and I followed him
killing my pain
killing my fears
killing my humanity.

I followed.

I ignored the cries
of my heart
of the souls of the dead.

I didn't want to
Kill.

But I did.

I didn't want to kill
I know that now
but I didn't
then.

I followed the darkness
the hatred of his vision
and I killed.

They called me
Genius
Heavenly Sword.

Gifted with the speed
of the gods.

One of the Ten
I was undefeated.
Immortal
Invulnerable.

I didn't need to feel.

I didn't feel.

Not until I fought that man.

Battousai.
Rurouni.
Killer.
Protector.

I didn't understand his mind.

I couldn't understand
why he didn't kill.

Why he was still strong.

It's wrong
useless to protect people
useless to even try.
It makes you weak.

Why

I fought him once and won.
He wouldn't kill.
I thought he wasn't strong.

Why didn't

I fought him again.
He still wouldn't kill
but he was so strong
with the perfect counter
the power beyond
a god's.

He was stronger than me.

Why didn't you

He defied my strength
avoided my blows.

Why didn't you protect

Every time he spoke
every time he looked at me
kind
caring
I couldn't help remembering
my first kills
my tears.

Why didn't you protect
me?

I was a child
so afraid
so alone.

Killing gave me a way out
a way to escape
but it damned me.

Made me a monster
worse than my family ever was
worse than they ever could have been.

I knew it then
the first time
so I smiled
smiled and pretended
I didn't care
I didn't cry.

I cried in the rain that day
so long ago.
Shishio-san
I didn't want to kill.

At the end
I
broke.
I
shattered.

The shields around my heart
cracked
crumbled
fell.

There was nothing left but
the pain
the guilt
the regret.

Who am I
Killer.
Murder.
Kin-slayer.

What am I
Evil.

But his smile made me live
as he pulled me up from the ground.

He told me to atone
become like him
a wanderer
making amends for the harm I've done.

I had a choice
death or life.
I chose true life.
I chose the Rurouni.

I bid farewell to Shisho-san
and
started to walk.

Alive.

But on the road I realized
how much I had in me
of the killer
the assassin.

He smiles that smile at me
tells me that he will get back out.
That the wandering cannot last
that in the end I need
the easy choice
the easy kill
the sword.

I taste dust as I walk.
I feel the burden of souls
of lives I have taken.

I will not let him come back.
For the sake of the the souls
stolen by my sword
I will wander.

I can never stop
never rest
Atoning for my sins
I will walk.

Forever.

---Finis---

8/8/98