from: grandmabusybody@your-aspca.com

Dear Good Doctor,

Yesterday I was in a restaurant , having a cup of tea and a crumpet, when two young college boys sat down in the booth next to me. They were laughing and whispering about girls, and sex, and something about the waitress. Then I heard one of the most horrible things I had heard in my entire life. One of the college boys told the other one that, "you couldn't get a date with her on a bet, and you spend all your time choking a chicken," or something like that. The other one said, "Oh, yeah? Well, you're the world champion chicken choker." And they were laughing about it! How incredibly cruel and callous could two people be? To laugh about the deliberate strangulation of a small, helpless animal! I was outraged! And how could you call that a sport? I was so upset that I could not even finish my tea. I glared at them and left. But now, however, I think I should have called the police and filed a "cruelty to animals" complaint. This sort of thing must not be allowed to continue. What do you think I should have done, Doctor?

the doctor's reply:

Please calm down, Granny. Believe me, no animals were hurt or injured in the production of this story. While the Doctor does not feel real comfortable explaining this to you, kind of like talking to my mother about it, I can assure you that there is nothing wrong here. Okay, so these guys might go blind or develop hairy palms, but that is only if they do it more than twenty five times a day. Let me ask you this, do you have any grandsons? Ask them what it means. They will probably have a heart attack, but better them than me.